A gentle reminder

Couple of days ago, my dear friend sms me reminding a phase that I told her years ago when she encountered some personal problem "Always tell yourself that there's someone who is in a situation far worse than you". In the past, every time I encountered problems I remind myself this phase and look forward and tackle problems instead of dwelling over it. However this time, I admit that I really lose it.

Until days ago, during my visit to my boy in NICU ward. I witnessed a Caucasian mummy whom had been very positive about her twin gals since delivered at 28weeks suddenly broke down when her elder twin had fluid detected in her lungs, oxygen level drops to unsafe level that might harm the brain development. Looking at her, my heart goes for her and started to turn teary. Although I don't know the babies in the ward but I can feel that each little baby is striving to live. Each feed, test and cries they made is urging the parents to be strong for them as they are trying their best. I managed to wake up my idea and digest what my friend reminded me. Thanks my dear friend.

A step closer to home

(I'm growing slow and steady... No more tubes from today, so happy... smile..)

Darius managed to downgrade to NICU level 1. We were so glad to see him without tube and manage to finish 36ml of milk at faster speed. Thought his little hands are still bruised with needle hole that pains our heart. Currently he is only on apnea monitoring. We hope that doctor can give green light to bring him home soon.

Darius is learning to suckle

Darius is at his week 35 today, still learning to suckle. Doctor says its normal for 35 weeker to start learning, in fact we are already pushing him to learn from week 34. He was having a bit of jaundice yesterday, hopefully it doesn't increase. Nurse Mary Jane arranged mommy to be in hospital today during feeding time to try latch on and also bottle feed him. Doctor updated that Darius will be downgraded to nicu level 1 tomorrow if everything goes well for his breathing today. :)

While mommy was busy trying out new things with Darius; Daddy was busy at ICA today to register birth cert. Darius chinese name is Lim Kai Zhe.

Do I look like my daddy or mommy?

Today Darius tried a bit on bottle sucking, he tried hard but got tired after a while; the remaining milk goes for tube feed. Had a photo session with darius today, so far we have mixed comments from people around us on look alike.

Darius open his eyes to welcome daddy and mommy

Today baby darius opens his eyes when daddy and mommy visited him. First time for the past week that he opened both his eyes wide open for a period of time before he catches his beauty sleep again.

BB Darius get well soon

BB Darius is one week old today. Seems like it only yesterday that our Darius was born and we are already preparing for BB food. Mommy is working hard making milk for Darius and myself a milk man, delivery milk to the hospital for you.

I know Mommy is sad for the past few days, but with Daddy consoling and Darius BB maturing well everyday. Mommy sadness will be gone soon.

BB Darius, continue to be strong and mature soon. We miss you.

Love Daddy.

Friday and Saturday Visit

Yesterday visited Darius and he slept soundly almost throughout our visit. We didn't want to disturb him hence just quietly talk to him to be a good boy.

21st Sept (Fri)

Mummy carried Darius during our visit today and Darius give us a smile too. He looks sleepy but was giving a few light crank when the other baby disturbed him with loud cries. Everything was happy moment today till late noon when Doctor Toh called Mummy to update that Darius had another episode of Apnea (Skip of breath) during bottle feed after we left; hence he will be back to tube feeds and monitor for couple more days. Doctor Toh consoled that most baby only start to mature at week 34 onwards hence let's give our baby more time. Mummy felt very heartache when she heard this, tears just flows with anxiety, worries and fear. Hope Darius can do better the next time but let's give him sometime.

22nd Sept (Sat)

Giving BB an English name

We have decided english name for our BB. He will be named Darius, its origin from Persian with the history related to a Persian King. Meaning for Darius in most books indicate " rich and powerful". Daddy like this name very much and had been suggesting this name since we started to brainstorm about names, but Mummy keep it on hold for better option fearing that the elderly can't pronouce correctly. In the end, Mummy agree on naming as Darius for 2 reason, 1)Mummy brain is growing coconut now, can't process much as Darius arrive much early than expected; 2) Darius pronounce as Dare re yees.. sounds like a brave and strong name for our brave boy.

Chinese names comes in later while we sort out with the Si-Fu.

Thursday Daddy visit to BB nursary

On today visit to BB, found that BB is easily irritated by the noise, kicking and punching in the air when there are noises from other BBs and beeps from the machines.

Really feel the BB energy, that he wants to go home soon and spend good quality time with Mommy and Daddy. BB keeep it up, you are going home soon.

BB photo during hospital stay

Needless to say, its heart wrenching to go home without BB after discharge from hospital. Every visit to NICU ward to see BB seems so short stay. We misses BB very much but as confinement restriction, Mummy can't visit BB twice a day. Every visit turns mummy into crying baby but reckon it can't be help. Daddy visits BB almost twice a day, talk and bond with BB to encourage him.

17th Sept (BB under monitoring)

18th Sept (BB looks so lovely and less bare with clothes on). Tried some bottle feed today.

19th Sept (A little small hiccup, BB needs to be monitored for breathing. Back to tube feed. )

Sept BB or Oct BB?

14th Sept'07 Friday

• 7.15am in the morning, water bag suddenly burst still sleeping. Everything was in chaos, trying to grab things we need and ring up the gynae. Mummy feared for the worse while trying to keep calm by taking a quick shower. Braving through the morning traffic, we reached hospital at 8.20am.
• Everything was filled with anxiety, alot of questions in our mind. Daddy tried to calm things down and get the admission in place. Nurses stripped on CTG to monitor the contractions and waterbag level. Gynae ordered steriod to be administered to mature BB lungs on 12hour basis till delivery. Drips given to reduce contractions. Tubes of blood were drawn to test for signs of infections. Within minutes, mummy was poked countless time for the procedures. It was a long wait, while doctor thong hope that the waterbag burst is a hoax and hopefully no sign of infection and further leaks. Blood test result came backwith sign of infection. Seems that we are left with not much choice but deliver the baby soon.
• 5.40pm, drips were given to induce labor. Every few hours of checks for dilation was terrible.
• 8pm. Given steriod again.
• 9.20pm, the last check was 5cm but seems that the dilation begins to slow down and BB heartrate seems to be distress. Doctor order to increase the rate of induction. This time, mummy couldn't cope with the induction speed with breathing technique. Decide to take on epidural to speed up things.
• 10.15pm, Epidural adminstered. Waiting game again. We keep talking to BB to cooperate.

15th Sept'07 Saturday

• 12am onwards things start to speed up. Maybe BB don't like 14th Sept.
• 0031hrs BB was out after 4 pushes with help of forceps. BB cry out very loudly.. BB weights 2.09kg, 45cm height.
• BB was checked for breathing and signs of distress. Doctor Tan give green light for Mummy to carry BB. Seeing the forceps marks on BB forhead and premie BB, mummy feels so sad. Baby was sent to NICU shortly after that.